Curiosity Is a Form of Connection

I have people in my life I have known for years and I still discover things about them that surprise me.

A story I have never heard. Something they are fascinated by. A skill I did not know they had. A reason they made a choice years ago that I had never really understood.

Every time it happens, I am reminded that knowing someone and being curious about them are not the same thing.

You can know someone's job, their partner, where they live, what they usually order, what they do on weekends, and still stop asking questions. I think that happens more easily than we realise. We get familiar. We start filling in the blanks ourselves. We assume we know what they think, what they want, what they are going to say.

And somewhere along the way, curiosity gets replaced by certainty.

That was one of the things I kept coming back to after my conversation with Dom.

Being Together Is Not the Same as Connecting

Dom works in events, community and human connection, and one of his strongest beliefs is that you cannot simply put people in a room and expect connection to happen.

You can create the environment. You can think about the people in the room. You can design the experience. You can give people something to do together.

But you cannot manufacture the actual moment where one human genuinely connects with another.

I really like that distinction because we confuse proximity with connection all the time.

We book the dinner, organise the meeting, create the networking event, put everyone in the same group chat, or sit beside someone on the couch while both of us look at our phones.

Technically, we are together.

That does not necessarily mean anything meaningful is happening between us.

Connection needs something else.

Curiosity Changes the Conversation

Dom described curiosity as one of the most beautiful things you can give another person.

Not because questions are inherently powerful, but because genuine interest is.

Tell me more.

What do you mean by that?

Why does that matter to you?

What are you excited about?

What are you thinking about that I do not know yet?

Dom talked about how some of his deepest connections come from genuinely trying to understand how another person thinks and feels, and how powerful it can be when someone feels seen because another human has taken the time to understand them.

That is the bit that landed for me.

Curiosity is a form of attention, and attention is one of the clearest ways we show another person that they matter.

Stop Assuming You Already Know

I think familiarity can make us lazy without us meaning to.

We get used to people. We have known them long enough that we start assuming we already know the answer.

You ask your partner how their day was, but you are not really expecting anything new. You ask your friend what they have been up to, but you already have a version of them in your head. You ask your colleague what they think, but you have probably already predicted their answer.

The problem is that people change.

Their ideas change. Their interests change. Their worries change. Their sense of humour changes. The things they want from life change.

If we stop being curious, we can end up relating to an old version of someone while the actual person has kept moving.

That is why I think curiosity matters so much in long relationships of every kind. Romantic relationships. Friendships. Families. Teams. Communities.

Curiosity says: I know you, but I am not going to assume I know everything about you.

Connection Needs Safety Too

There is another part of this that matters.

People only share when they feel safe enough to do it.

Dom talks a lot about creating environments where people feel comfortable enough to contribute ideas, ask questions, challenge something, or say the slightly unusual thing that might otherwise get dismissed.

Because sometimes the person with the best idea is also the quietest person in the room. Sometimes the first version of an idea sounds completely wild. If the environment shuts it down immediately, you lose whatever might have come next.

Dom's team has a philosophy of "we are making this shit up as we go along."

Not because they are disorganised, but because it gives people permission to be curious, throw ideas around, try things and stay anchored to the bigger why rather than becoming trapped by the way something has always been done.

I love that because curiosity needs permission. You have to be allowed to ask the strange question, say you do not understand, change your mind, or explore an idea without already knowing where it ends.

That is true in a workplace, and it is probably even more true in a relationship.

The People Who Make You Think Differently

One of the things Dom said that I really liked was that he loves when somebody changes his mind.

He can spend hours learning about something, build a whole opinion around it, and then somebody can offer one perspective that changes how he sees the entire thing.

I relate to that.

I love people who make me think differently. Not because I want to argue, but because I find it fascinating when two people can look at the same thing and reach completely different conclusions.

That does not mean every disagreement creates connection. Some values do not align. Some conversations are not safe or useful.

But when there is enough trust and genuine curiosity, difference can make a connection more interesting.

You are not trying to win. You are trying to understand how another human reached a different place from you.

That is a very different conversation.

My Reflection

I think we spend a lot of time worrying about maintaining connection.

Stay in touch. Send the message. Organise the dinner. Remember the birthday. Make time.

All of that matters.

But I wonder whether one of the simplest ways to strengthen a relationship is to become curious again.

Just genuinely notice that the person in front of you contains things you do not know yet.

Ask what they are excited about. Ask what has changed. Ask what they are learning. Ask what they are doing for fun. Ask what they could talk about for three hours if nobody stopped them.

Ask their favourite dinosaur if you have to.

Then listen to the answer.

Really listen.

Because connection does not always need a huge shared experience or some perfectly designed moment. Sometimes it starts with someone feeling that you actually want to know them.